by Abdul Malik Mujahid
Not everything that comes through TV is bad. However, because the average child between two and 11 years old watches over 27 hours of poorly supervised television per week; because the only thing that kids do more than watch television is sleep, and because most parents are unaware of the indecent liberties that television takes with our children, you must control this 19 inch Shaytan, as a friend of mine calls it.
1) Permissible and Forbidden on TV: TV programs include stirring documentaries about history, science, and nature as well as excellent dramatizations of classics. It also includes a lot of forbidden in terms of violence, sex, antifamily and anti-Islamic values in cartoons, sitcoms, talk shows and films. It’s the job of parents to observe whats on TV programs and guide their children. One rule you can use when teaching your kids the right and wrong of television is the following: if it’s Haram to do then, it’s Haram to watch.
2) TV Rules for Children: A carefully programmed TV can be a beneficial ally! Set clear rules for your children on how much TV they can watch, when they can watch it, and which shows are permitted. Then stick to your policy no matter how many tears and voices protest. You are the boss. You can unplug the television whenever you want to.
3) Don’t Just Allow “Watching TV”: Allow children to watch a particular program which you have approved, not just “watch TV.”
4) No Channel Surfing: Channel surfing usually means watching the worst of the shows which are on at any given moment. More stops at sex and violence scenes.
5) Homework First: Insist that homework and chores be done before TV is turned on. (No this is not considered child abuse, not at least in Illinois where I live.) Only one in ten parents require children to do homework first at this moment.
6) Watch Together: Watch TV with your children. It will be lots of fun. You might have some topics to talk about later. You may share some laughter as well. If you cannot watch with them all the time, at least do it occasionally.
7) Talk to Children about the Programs: Talking to your children about the programs they watched or you watched together will give you an opportunity to debrief them about the rights and wrongs in them.
8) Never Use TV as Babysitter: No matter what, don’t just train your little Muslim to become an avid TV watcher by letting TV calm him down when he is crying or when you want to do something else other than attend to the baby. Also make this rule clear to the babysitters you hire as well. If you have no choice but to subject you child to a daycare center, choose one which does not use TV as its control mechanism. Seventy percent of daycare centers use TV during a typical day.
9) A Smaller Screen is Better: A small-sized TV is better than a larger size TV. The larger size encourages worse watching habits.
10) One TV is Better than Two: One TV placed in the living room will help you keep an eye on what is being watched. A TV in your child’s bedroom is the worst thing. It is not that you don’t trust your children. It is the TV which you don’t trust. The average household in America has 2.24 TVs in their homes and 54 percent of kids in America have a TV in their bedrooms.
11) No Cable Channels: With a few exceptions, cable provides more of the bad TV and adult-oriented programming. I was staying at a pious Muslim’s home as the TV brought a rush of his kids in the room I was staying in. To my astonishment, they ignored their “uncle’s” presence and protest as they intensely watched a hot nude sex scene on some cable channel. Recently in Florida, during the daytime, a cable company showed adult programs.
12) Encourage Commercial-Free Channels: Public Television and other Commercial Free TV have more informative programs. It is estimated that the average child sees 20,000 commercials per year. Unlike adults, who often mute out commercials, or who get up and make a mad dash for the bathroom during the 60 to 180 seconds, children like TV ads. They like to be told what to lobby for…and lobby they do.
13) VCR Gives Parents More Control: VCR gives you control of TV time and programs. Many parents use the VCR more than television programs broadcast scheduled times. Balance your TV consumption with videos of good programming offered by Muslims and non-Muslims. This will be more in your control and will contribute to the learning process of children. Some of the good video programs could be as good as anything on TV. Adam’s World for children ages two to nine is one such video series. Tens of thousands of children learn and have fun with Adam and Aneesah.
One day, I noticed Sister Lonnie Ali (Champion Muhammad Ali’s wife) had ordered another set of Adam’s World. Since I knew they had a complete set of Adam’s World, I asked why she was buying another one. She told me that Asad (their son) had watched Adam’s World so many times that all the tapes were worn out. She said he must have watched each tape more than 100 times. His game at one point was to say the dialogue before Adam said it.
14) TV Off Days: Some Muslims keep TV off all Ramadan. Every year there is a campaign called TV Turn Off Week, which encourages people to not watch TV for at least a week. You may want to do the same for very personal reasons. Television can affect young children in adverse ways: aggressive behavior, difficulty falling asleep, nightmares and an insatiable appetite for advertised products. If your kids are showing signs of this nature, eliminating TV for a week or so may help.
15) More Family Activities: TV takes away family time. Poorly managed television wastes opportunities for kids to learn how to relate to other people – including their parents and siblings. And relating with their families is a desire of today’s youth. In a nationwide, ethnically balanced survey of 750 ten to sixteen-year-olds, “three-quarters said that if they had a choice between watching TV or spending time with their families, they’d opt for family time.”
16) Buy a Movie Camera: Yes you read it correctly. Instead of children being subject to TV, give them the tools to control TV. Empower them with technology. Give them a gift of a video camera. Consumer Reports has a lot of recommendations for good camcorders. Let your kids write a script, shoot a video, edit it on their computer, and put it back on VCR or incorporate it in a multimedia production (and send a copy to Sound Vision. That little producer might have more talent than you think.)
17) Plan Your Time: If you develop the habit of developing a personal plan, children are likely to follow you in the considerate use of their time. By developing a plan for using your time, you will learn to place TV time in proper proportion to other things in life which you want to achieve.
18) Start a TV Journal: To make good use of TV programs, ask children to write a report about it. Have them answer questions like: who were the characters? What was the plot? What was good? What was bad? What did the program try to promote? Let them be the critic instead of simply being lost to agenda of television producers.
19) Fight bad TV programs: Always protest wrong types of things inserted by producers in what you and your children watch. If you don’t protest and pursue the matter, they will learn that they can get away with this and will do more of it, not less. Call toll-free to record your dislike of a program: 1-800-TV-COUNTS (operated by the Parents’ Television Council, a family oriented, non-Muslim group).
20) Stick to Your Guns: Your children will resist all rule-making efforts to limit their TV time and program selection. Discuss your reasoning with them, but stick to your guns. This is a decision about their growing up as Muslims. More than 4,000 studies have proven that the behavior of children is affected by their TV watching habits. You cannot let false images and wrong ideals distort the future of your children. You must help tomorrow’s Muslims today by being reasonable, but firm. If you don’t control TV, TV will control you, your pocket, your children, and your worldview.
21) Children Follow You: The bottom line principle of parenting is that children follow you. If you are a couch potato, and fail to practice what you preach, don’t expect your rules to have any value. Watch what you are watching if you want anyone to follow your rules about TV. Whether you give prime time to your family or to TV will determine the future direction of your life and your children’s life.
“O ye who believe! Why do you preach something you are not practicing? It is of most distasteful in the sight of Allah that ye say that which ye do not” (Quran: 61:2-3).
6 Reasons not to watch TV
by Sound Vision Staff Writer
1. The Sex
Ask yourself an honest question: given the number of times kissing, and various examples of sexual behavior show up on that screen (even the remote control doesn’t work as well anymore) what would happen if Mom or Dad walked right in and sat beside you when it was on?
This nasty aspect of television is getting worse. Why subject yourself to it and earn Allah’s anger as you catch even a glimpse of this Haram?
2. You could become more violent
Enough studies have shown the link between watching violence in the media regularly and violent behavior. It should come as no surprise that school shootings, road rage, and airplane rage, to name just a few examples of violence in our culture today, happen. Don’t desensitize yourself, your siblings or your kids any longer. Start today to curb watching violence on TV.
3. You’ll waste your life
You could have spent more time with your family and friends instead of watching TV. You could have read more about Islam, improved your commitment to Allah, and gained a better chance to get to Paradise in the Next Life. You could have spent more time studying which could have meant admission to medical school or a scholarship to the college you really wanted to attend, or…I think you get the picture. Wasting time means wasting your life. Most TV wastes your life.
4. You’ll get fat
TV encourages you to just sit there and let your mind more or less go blank. You pick up pounds sitting there night after night, not getting any exercise.Obesity can lead to diseases later on in life. Sitting there in front of the tube is not good for your health. Walking outside in the fresh (or semi-fresh if you live in the city) air is much better.
5. Your mind will go numb
While TV shows make great topics of conversation amongst friends, future admissions officers at colleges and universities and employers, for instance, will not be impressed with your ability to recite, alphabetically, the cast of your favorite TV show. They will want to know that you are an individual who is aware of the world around him or her. That means someone who is engaged in intellectual pursuits, more specifically reading and DOING things in the community.
6. You’ll get lazy
You will also become lazy by depending on this box to entertain you instead of being creative and finding ways to spend your time more usefully. TV can make you a dull couch potato.
Jan 05
9
SEX EDUCATION
You’ve just found out your son or daughter is getting sex education at public school and you want to give them the Islamic perspective on it.
Or your kids have started asking the “where do babies come from” question.
But you just can’t get over your tongue-tying embarrassment. Imagine! If your father or mother, back in Cairo or Karachi, heard of this they’d be stunned and question your parenting skills!
Here are some tips that can help you talk to your kids about the “s” word.
Tip #1: Start Early
Ideally sex education is not provided to kids in a reactionary fashion. Rather, it’s given from the beginning in an indirect manner.
This means the child has to have a strong sense of identity and an understanding of what his or her values are.
“Parents are going to have sit down and explain their values to their own children. And this needs to start young, before the society influences them,” says Marilyn Morris, a Christian, who is president and founder of Aim for Success. The organization promotes abstinence from sex through speeches and presentations to students in grades six to 12. The group is one of the largest providers of abstinence education in the United States.
She says it is also important to explain to kids why you hold those values. For example, why do you not approve of sex outside of marriage, whether this is for religious and/or health reasons.
Tip #2: Give the child age-appropriate sex education
Starting to teach different topics at the right age is also important.
For example, a boy of eight may notice his mom does not pray some time during the month and may ask why. At this point, it can simply be said this is a time when Allah has excused women from praying. At the age of 12 or 13, a parent can introduce the topic of menstruation, and by that point, he will be able to make the connection.
Another way topics of a sexual nature can be introduced is while the child is reading the Quran. When the child reads verses about sexual intercourse, menstruation, or homosexuality, for example, this can be explained in a matter-of-fact manner.
Sex can also be discussed in the context of cleanliness in Islam at a certain age. For example, by the age of six or seven, a child must know how to clean him or herself after using the toilet.
After this at about eleven or twelve, the issue of Ghusl can be raised and when it is necessary (i.e. after sexual intercourse, after menstruation, etc).
As well, parents should sit with their children individually, not all together to explain various age-appropriate topics related to sex.
Some of the topics to talk about include modesty, decency, conduct and behavior .
But these should not be presented as just a bunch of rules to be followed. Rather the wisdom behind, for example, the Islamic dress code and lowering the gaze for both sexes should be explained.
Tip #3: Parents should build a good relationship with their kids
Proper sex education can only be given if the correct messages are being sent explicitly and implicitly by parents.
There has to be openness, not a rigid and dogmatic atmosphere at home.
“I’m talking about a loving relationship at home between the parents,” says Khadija Haffajee an Islamic activist and a retired school teacher from the Ottawa-Carleton region of Canada. She has spent about 30 years working in the public school system. “That there’s love between the parents, there’s affection. They [the kids] can see this, how they talk to each other, the respect that’s there.”
Tip #4: Be an example
This goes hand in hand with being a role model, which is the best way to teach and transmit values to children.
That means not only should children be exposed to a healthy male-female relationship when they see their parents. It also means parents do not engage in activities which undermine their views on sexuality.
For instance, “being careful themselves about what they watch on T.V. or what movies they go to see, “ is crucial says Morris “because that ‘s a bad influence on us at any age. And if our children see us doing it why shouldn’t they as well?”
This also means setting an example in other aspects of life by following the same rules you expect your kids to follow. For example, if you’re running late, call children and let them know, show them the same courtesy you expect from them, explains Morris.
Tip #5: Meet with others who share your values
It is necessary for children to not just see the embodiment of Islamic values at home. They must also experience this in contacts with other Muslim children and families, says Haffajee.
They must see that family life the Islamic way is not just something their own family practices, but it’s something others do as well.
This makes it more “normal” for the child, who in public school may have friends or acquaintances with homosexual parents (two mommies or two daddies), parents who are having sex outside of marriage (mom’s boyfriend, dad’s girlfriend) or other types of unacceptable relationships.
Tip #6: Get involved with your children’s school
Depending on a parent’s schedule, this can mean different things. Most of the time, public schools encourage parents’ active participation through channels like Parent and Teachers’ Associations (PTAs) or as elected school board members.
Haffajee explains that more and more schools will be decentralized and will have more power at the PTA level, for instance. Another forum for involvement is running in school board elections. School boards run all the schools in one district.
But if this is too much of a commitment for you as a parent, at least be in contact with your child’s teacher, and let her/him know not just about problems, but good things he or she is doing for your child as well.
”We have to build these links, not feel it’s them and us,” adds Haffajee.
Volunteering and helping at the school is also an option. This differs in each school. Some may have a lunchroom program with parents as monitors, for instance, which requires only a few hours a week.
Regular participation in such school organizations and activities gives you a voice as a parent to express your views about what’s going on in the school system as it affects your child, as well as others’ children.
It is important to add that this involvement should not come only when the school has done something you, as a parent, feel has violated your child’s needs as a Muslim, or when you want something specifically for your child (i.e. time off for Eid, Juma, etc.).
By participating at the long-term level, your voice is more likely to be heard because you’re involved in making the school better generally, not just for your child’s interest only.
When it comes time for sex education, you can band together with other parents, Muslim and non-Muslim, who share the same views on the topic, and it is more likely you will be listened to.
“There are a lot of non-Muslim parents who are concerned about these issues and feel as if there is no control,” notes Haffajee.
Tip #7: Know the sex education territory
“There should be talk about what kind of information they’re getting, preadolescent education,” says Haffajee.
Launching a three hour tirade against the evils of public school sex education will do little good in helping your son or daughter see what’s wrong with it. This is why it is necessary to find out what is included in the sex education curriculum.
“They should find out exactly what the school is teaching, to the point of even sitting with the person doing the education and finding out about the values of that person,” says Morris. “This is a very important issue”
Tip #8: Know the Islamic perspective on sex
There is more to sex education than telling your son or daughter “don’t do it until you get married”.
Topics like menstruation, sexual changes in adolescents, Islamic purity after various types of uncleanliness associated with sex also have to be discussed.
On the same note, if in the course of your conversation your child asks you something and you are not sure about whether it really is Islamic or not, CHECK IT OUT. Assuming that a cultural practice relating to sex or boy/girl relationships is automatically Islamic is a mistake.
Tip #9: Tell your kids you’re available to talk to them about sex
This is necessary, especially if sex has been a taboo subject in the household for so long.
“Parents [should] say to their children “I want to be your primary source of information about sex,” says Morris.
This makes it clear that while your child may be getting information about sex from other sources like television, the movies, school and friends, you are the “authoritative source”.
This is done best when discussed at a younger age, rather than waiting for the teen years when rebelliousness usually kicks in and kids are less likely to listen to parents.
Tip #10: Express your nervousness
It will be hard to talk about sex for many parents. But they should not hide this from their kids.
Morris recommends parents say, “If I sound nervous or uncomfortable just bear with me,” in the course of their conversation.
This stresses the seriousness of the topic and the importance of what you want to say. The fact that this is so difficult for you, yet you are going forward with it emphasizes your child’s need to listen.
Tip #11: Withdraw your child from sex education but tell them why
There are public schools where sex education is an option, and a child can be exempted from it.
Haffajee says there are parents, Muslim and non-Muslim who have decided to choose this instead of having their kids sit through public school sex education.
But if you do decide to do this, she advises it is important to clearly explain to your child why this is being done, and to ensure that s/he is being provided with Islamic sex education in the home.
Otherwise, your child may see it as being excluded from an activity with his or her friends.
Jan 05
7
Ashara Mubaraka 1425 H.
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Not all posts on this blog are my own words. Nor are all articles written by me. The blog is intended serve as my journal and dairy of interesting reading I have enjoyed and want to share. Some write-ups do not have the name of its author, the reason behind it is that I do not know the original source nor the author. If someone knows it they can add it to the comment box.
