To Be or Not to Be

I find myself in a dilemma or to be precise a cross road of life. At this age of mine people say that half of the world tour has completed and a little pending. I see myself tired and struggling to settle down when suddenly I have been given a choice to start anew and though at times I see this as an opportunity I fear that I won’t be able to settle in the new world.

Imagine living in a country with a powerful currency that has a power parity that the economies of the developing nations wish eagerly and then shift to a place where inflation is high and the power parity of money is almost zero comparatively. It would surely mean hard. I am not talking about retiring when you spend what you have earned, rather, to start earning in a different manner.

Another dilemma to crossing the road would be to change my current lifestyle as well as those who are directly associated with me, my wife and my loving son. In addition to the educational responsibilities of my 2 year old that I burden.

Looking at the pros I have an opportunity to fly out of the current mess in my life and settle with respect and dignity. It would be an opportunity to elevate myself as I strive to seek the happiness of Moula which I do at the present moment as well. Today, my future is uncertain as well as my bread is insecure except for my belief in Allah but I do doubt that I would be secure if I took up the task I am being offered. What about my status quo will it be that of a khidmat guzaar who has taqarrur from Moula or will it be a mere temporary settlement then it would be no more then what I find myself in today. At the moment I am actively involved in ilmi khidmat with teaching as well as sabaqs and I wonder if I would even get such opportunities ever again or will the question of not being farigh appear before me.

As a Dawoodi Bohra who has had an ancestral history of khidmat I am a firm believer in my Moula (TUS) and I have the stamina to work non-stop keeping in mind Moula’s picture, my management skills are good and I can handle people well when I am told to work my way round in a team. I am a team player but I rarely give-up my ideas which are exceptional and beneficial always, but at times not too and I am ready to listen and merge-in provided my reason is satisfied. I do not go along being a sub-ordinate for several reasons. One I could say would be my own ego which is not much of a matter, maybe once in a hundred times but then I could work it out. Another reason is a major problem and that is, I have noticed and experienced that my superiors always see me as the one who tries to overtake them or topple them which I don’t intend to. I just innocently pop an idea and as a result they might feel stampeded by, resulting in politics and that’s why I have always suffered professional loss. Managing events single handedly would result in colorful results therefore I hate nose poking in my affairs. Similarly I keep my nose away from poking into the matters of others. This is where politics comes in again and I am no good a politician or a diplomat in my terms.

Finally I have left it to my destiny and want to stop thinking about it anymore. I have experienced that my Moula (TUS) has never let me down and had been walking me trough the path of life and carried me along the way during the most adverse of situations.